Rebel Bread

“Instant vanilla pudding mix? What the fuck?! You cannot be serious!”
These are the words that I yelled to no one in particular while I was making Amish Friendship Bread last night.

Since when does it call for vanilla pudding mix?
Am I supposed to believe the Amish use instant pudding? Really?!?
I’ve made more than a dozen rounds of this bread, since I was about fifteen, and I don’t recall it needing fucking instant pudding mix.

Traditionally, Amish Friendship Bread is supposed to be stored in non-metal bowls, and stirred by hand with wooden spoons. Mine came in a plastic bag, and the directions just include “do not use a metal bowl.”  I reckon this bread’s gone Mennonite or is on Rumspringa. Maybe this is New-Fangled Friendship Bread?

My temper grew and my mind reeled while I dumped the ingredients. I mixed the bread, (sans pudding mix, for fuck’s sake!) Since clearly this bread is part of some religious rebellion, I used my electric mixer with metal beaters.
I am a total badass.

Mind you, I had spent ten hours working on The Dining Room Project, and another hour cleaning up that space. I had gone into the kitchen to make myself a sandwich, wherein I was forced to deal with bread deadlines. I was, perhaps, not in the best of moods.

By the time I sat down with my sandwich, and some swate tay, I found the smell of baking bread quite pleasant.

This morning, it was wonderful to wake up to that Amish Friendship Bread. Friendship Bread and coffee make for a delightfully sweet breakfast. It turned out fiiine! Take that, Pudding Mix! Hmph! *waves metal beaters at bread*

It’s still freakin delicious! It’s moist and sweet and I DON’T WANT TO SHARE! even though it makes two loaves.

I have no idea if Amish Friendship Bread is authentic, or how it got mainstreamed. I tried to look it up, but all I found were people who use pistachio pudding, lemon pudding, add chocolate chips…and people who said they couldn’t take starters because they didn’t know who all had handled the starters to begin with. If you can’t trust your friends not to give you poisonous food, you need new friends.
There were also people like me, who wondered why anyone would add processed crap to homemade food…

There is no reason to adulterate this recipe. Okay, I’m a bit of a purist, but there’s still no reason.

If you’re feelin adventurous, and you want a bread that breaks all the rules, you may come get some of my non-denominational sweet bread previously handled by whoknowswho — I’ve got starters! IN PLASTIC BAGS!